Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just pee around me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
