you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
