I need to stop coming to work sober
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
