You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
