I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants