some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?