I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i've created a new STD.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.