i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
