Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.