Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
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She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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