Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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