i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
