dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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