Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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