I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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