you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
