I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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