How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
there is glitter all over my balls
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
