Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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