My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
