his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
