im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize