Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
