So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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