Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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