we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
