I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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