Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize