Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
