my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
