It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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