it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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