I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
