Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
