I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
