I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
