I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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