Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
