I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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