We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i love accidental penises.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
