Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
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