all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
