On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
