MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
