Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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