dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
