he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And then my night got REAL pukey
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
