So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
