how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
