just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
