No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
