Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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