I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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