Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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