Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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