She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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