Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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