And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
