i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
