I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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