I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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