Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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