Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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