Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
