I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
