don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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