just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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