Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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