i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
