Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize