I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
