I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
