you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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