You work out of a Hotel?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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