My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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