why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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