I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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