I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
