What a fucking waste of an outfit
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
